Helping a Child Turn Take

The first 3 blog posts in this series covered the acronym, WIN, and the developmental skills of being Watchful, Intentional, and Noisy. The next four, TIRI, will cover the skills of Turn Take, Imitate, Respond, Initiate.

This post covers the next developmental skill entitled, Turn Take. When you are involved in a conversation with another person, you enjoy when that person participates equally, taking turns commenting on what you have said, asking questions and listening to your answers. You enjoy the back and forth of a conversation. Have you even been in a conversation with someone that is basically a monologue, where you do the majority of the listening? A one-sided monologue is not a conversation, is certainly not turn taking, and often leaves the “listener” exhausted.

With young, non-verbal children, they are not able to take verbal turns, but the skill of taking turns is still very important to teach, model, and encourage. Turn taking starts from the time a child is born. When an infant hiccups or cries, we interpret that as a child’s “turn” to communicate. We respond by looking at the child, saying a word or two, gesturing, picking up the child, or some other response. Those responses to a young child’s vocalizations or movements are crucial to developing a child’s turn taking skills. And remember, turn taking, whether it is verbal or non-verbal, is the basis of back and forth communication.

Children who are around responsive caregivers who take turns communicating have a huge advantage in developing stronger language skills. Children who have difficulty learning speech especially need adults to pay attention to their child’s attempts to take a turn and their reactions to the environment around them. Even though a child may not be saying words, we can still see attempts to communicate. We just need to fine tune our observation skills.

What can children learn by taking turns?

Just think for a moment about the many skills children can learn when they are involved in a turn taking conversation versus just listening to a person speak. Children learn

• New vocabulary that relates to the world around them,
• How to pay attention to the speech of others,
• How to take a turn with gestures, eye contact, vocalizations, and words,
• How to wait for their communication partner to respond,
• How to understand and ask questions,
• How to comment about their activities.

A caution about screen time

Nothing compares to direct interaction with another person. Television and movies can never teach what conversations can teach. That is why the American Medical Association recommends limited to no screen time for young children. Screen time is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. Parents can certainly interact and take verbal turns with their child when participating together with a video. The challenge is to be conscious of the need to continue the interaction during those screen-time activities and relate the theme and vocabulary of those shows to a child’s real life. If you are interested in the topic of screen-time, please go to https://www.talkitrockit.com/2020/05/17/addressing-screen-time-concerns-during-the-covid-19-pandemic/ to read an article written by Dr. Willow Sauermilch, a speech-language pathologist, who has specialized in facilitating language around technology.

How do we establish turn taking with children who are non-verbal and who are not taking any turns?

I have many suggestions for getting turn taking going. Here are some thoughts.

1. Observe your child – Every child reacts to their world in some way. Every gesture, every motor movement, every verbalization can be turned into a turn taking event. During every daily routine, watch your child. Missing your child’s turn is easy to do, especially with kids who are non-verbal. We simply miss the moment, so observing and being attentive is essential. If he picks up a spoon and bangs it on the table, you, too, can pick up a spoon and bang it as well. That counts as a turn. Watch your child and wonder how you can respond.
2. Respond to what your child is doing and add to it.
   1. Imitate your child and add to it – As mentioned above, you could simply imitate what your child is doing. In addition, you could pair that motor movement with something verbal. For example, if he bangs his spoon, you could say, “Bam, bam, bam,” while you bang your spoon.
   1. Give vocabulary about what your child is doing – Instead of banging the spoon in imitation and saying a simple, “bam, bam, bam,” you could give your child vocabulary related to what he is doing by saying something like, “You are banging your spoon. That is loud.”
3. Share an object or take non-verbal turns with objects – In the example of banging a spoon, I have found that sharing a spoon or any other object is a great way of establishing turn taking. When you bang the spoon, put a silly hat on your head, or roll a ball, those can all be turn taking activities. Using just one spoon, or one hat, or one ball, do something silly with the object paired with any verbalization or word, then give it to your child and wait. See what he does with it and whether he will give it back to you. Having only one object that you share can increase your child’s attention to your turn. It can even result in your child imitating what you are doing. Imitation and turn-taking, although related, are different things. We will cover imitation in the next article.
4. Wait – Waiting for your child to respond is key! For example, when looking in a book, you may want to make a simple motor movement such as knocking on a door in the book and saying, “Knock, knock, knock.” Now it is your turn to wait. I often suggest that parents count to 10 or 15 under their breath so that they make sure that their child has enough time to take his turn. Waiting can be so difficult. We want to give our child lots of vocabulary words, but we can respond too quickly, especially with children who are not yet verbal or who have difficulty taking turns.
5. Take advantage of clean up time to take turns. When you are putting your child’s blocks, bath toys, socks, etc. away, get your child involved. When taking your turn, exaggerate how you put the block in the box and say, “IN,” with zesto and excitement. This exaggeration will help your child pay attention and will increase your child’s desire to take a turn.
6. Turn taking is typically easier when your child is interested in the activity or a specific object. Throughout your day with your child, there are routines that your child is not interested in doing. Those may be the times where turn taking may be more difficult. Get in your child’s world and be ok with participating in whatever your child is doing.
7. Try to be quiet during your child’s turn – A conversation needs to be 50/50 or as close to that as possible. If a child takes a turn whether it is verbal or non-verbal, wait for your child to finish her turn. I have always told parents to refrain from talking during a child’s turn. I equate it to an adult interrupting when another adult is speaking. Slow down and wait for your child to complete her turn. You will get your turn and be able to say and do what you want to do for your turn. Children need to know that their turn is truly their own and not shared with others.

Taking turns is different than talking about what your child is doing, but both are important. When your child is busy playing or doing anything that he enjoys, turn taking is not always possible or even essential. Those are the times that you can talk about what your child is doing. I often think of a child’s brain as a place with many empty shelves that need to be filled with rich vocabulary and enticing gestures. Do not hesitate to talk to your child even if he is not responding to what you are saying. That is totally ok. You are stacking those shelves. I just caution you to also think about the times where you can create more turn taking. There needs to be a balance.

In Summary

Learning to have a conversation with others is essential to developing normal speech and language skills. I encourage all adults to think frequently about their complete presence with their children. Think about your responses to your child’s communication attempts. Think about how you wait and encourage your child to take a turn.

Do you find yourself frequently looking at your phone instead of watching and responding to your children? In this age of technology, I certainly am at fault. I consciously have to put my phone down to give quality interaction with children. If you are interested in reading research on the importance of conversational turns, go to this website, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5945324/. You can read the article, Beyond the 30-Million-Word Gap: Children’s Conversational Exposure Is Associated With Language-Related Brain Function for more information about turn taking.

My next article, number 5 in the series, is on Imitation. Thank you for following this series.